It’s been a while since my last post. When I last wrote, I was talking about leaving my job and here I am two weeks later, free from that position. I wish I could say that the last two weeks have been busy and that’s the reason I haven’t posted but they haven’t. Instead, my mind has been cluttered and my body filled with so many different emotions. I’ve been feeling overwhelmed and exhausted. I know most of my feelings have to do with this big change I am facing but sometimes it is hard to remember.
The last few days I have woken up and my mind has instantly been flooded with thoughts. Did I make the right decision? What if I never find a job? Where should I look? What will make be happy? And the age old question – What do I want to do with my life?
Although I sometimes forget and question myself, the answer to the first question (did I make the right decision?) is yes! Even though I laughed at work and for the most part enjoyed the people I worked with, I wasn’t feeling fulfilled. When I would step away from my desk to go use the restroom, sometimes I would take a moment just to sit and step away from it all. There was so much chaos happening inside the office, I never had time to reflect on the way the work made me feel. These few seconds in the bathroom allowed me the opportunity to see how I truly felt about the work I was doing and I didn’t feel good. I didn’t feel passion or drive. This is how I knew this wasn’t the right place for me. When I start to second guess my decision I remind myself of this feeling.
These past 72 hours have been an emotional roller coaster. I have had to force myself (with the help of my boyfriend) to get out of the apartment and do something I enjoy. Playing golf has been my escape all summer and it was my savior this weekend. It has forced me to put away my cell phone, clear my head from all the clutter and focus on one thing only.
My golf game this weekend was a lot like life. I had some pretty bad holes and some pretty AMAZING holes, including a birdie. At the end of the day, I landed on my feet and pulled through. Each hole is similar to a new day. You have to start fresh. You can’t bring your negative attitude from the hole before to the next. Otherwise, you’re doomed to fail. There will be some big shots that get you where you need to be but its all about those small putting strokes that really land you in the hole.
A big reason for starting the blog was my lack of happiness at my job. I needed an outlet, something creative and therapeutic. My blog has given me something to look forward to at the end of a long day and I am so grateful for that! After countless discussions with my family, I decided to take the leap and leave my job this week. I hadn’t been there very long, less than 2 months, so I know a lot of you are probably thinking that I didn’t really give it a chance. Maybe that’s true but, deep down I didn’t a passion for the work I was doing. This lack of passion, mixed with a somewhat unprofessional work atmosphere, pushed me to make this decision.
After graduating from the University of Colorado in May 2016, I’ve had a few different jobs. I began working for a large non-profit right out of school, then I worked with an interior designer and now with a large fashion company. It has taken this journey for me to realize where my true passion lies, non-profit development. There is no better feeling than connecting a donor with an agency in need or connecting a company with a cause where they are making a difference. It is an overwhelming feeling of gratitude and I have decided that I want to wake up each morning and go to an office where this is what we work to do.
My journey to this realization has been nothing short of difficult. I can’t tell you how many nights I went to sleep crying and mornings I woke up dreading going to the office but without these experiences I don’t think I would have learned all of this about myself.
I definitely could not have made it through this past year without my loving family, friends and boyfriend. But, there was one other crutch that helped and taught me more about myself than any therapist, friend or psychic could’ve even uncovered, a book titled “You are a Badass” by Jen Sincero. She helped me find the strength within myself to follow my heart, trust my gut, and (in the words of Jen) LOVE YOURSELF!
These are words I try to live by. Do I love who I am? Do I love how I treat others? Do I love how I treat myself? Obviously, life is always a work in a progress so the answers to these questions are not always “yes” but as long as I am taking steps towards creating that “yes” answer I truly believe I love myself!
Have you ever had those weeks at work when you feel like you can’t do anything right? It’s like the domino effect. Once the first disaster hits there’s no stopping it. This was basically my week, paired with a boss who rarely acknowledges my existence even though we sit one desk away from one another.
This past week had me questioning so many aspects of my life. Well, mostly just the aspect of work and whether I like it or not, its a pretty important one. After graduating last year, I’ve had a few unfortunate experiences with bosses /managers. Its a never ending battle for me. I constantly find myself caught working for someone who forgets to check their personal life at the door. Don’t get me wrong, everyone is entitled to their bad days but their is a limit.
Now I’m left with the dilemma of whether I should go to HR or speak to my boss about these problems. How do you tell your boss its inappropriate and unprofessional to call her boyfriend who works downstairs 5 times a day?
All of this led me to a craving for comfort food! We whipped up an easy chicken curry and naan. Oh! and a (few) martinis.
It’s a rainy NYC afternoon and I am playing hooky from work. So, I figured there would be no better time to get my blog started than today!
I’ve played with the idea of starting a blog for about 3 years now. I’ve started countless Instagram accounts and after about 3 months I would lose focus and doubt all the reasons I started it to begin with.
This time I wanted to do it differently. I didn’t want the focus to be “hot trends” and “chic restaurants,” rather everyday life. I’m sure you’re sitting there asking yourself, “what does that even mean?” Taking Back Taylor is all about growing up, trying not to lose sight of who you are, and surviving the struggles of being in your 20s.